Pride and Love

Alright, I think I had an epiphany. I'll let you be the judge, since I don't quite entirely know what to make of it yet....Here it is.

This may seem a bit random, but The Wedding Singer, the movie, has been on my mind during the past couple of weeks. And here's something I only just realized today.

What happens at the end of the movie? You know, before Robby sings to Julia on the airplane and then they get married. I don't know why this stuck out so much to me, but today I learned something new about myself.

I put myself in Robby Hart's shoes when he realizes that Julia, the woman he's in love with, has fled with her idiot fiance to Las Vegas to get married as soon as possible, after having gone over to Robby's house to tell him that she was in love with him and meeting Robby's ex-girlfriend at the door wearing his t-shirt and underwear.

Now, I understand that if I were Julia, I would've probably been rather hurt as well. However, I had never really analyzed the grandness of Robby's ability to swallow his pride and truly fight for his love for Julia by dropping everything without questions, in order to get on the next plane and chase after her. I don't know if I would have showed as much understanding as Robby. All I can imagine is how I'd be condemning Julia for having left me. I'd probably wallow and denounce her love as false, assuming that if she had truly loved me, and if the love had been real, than she wouldn't have left to marry the wrong guy, in spite of desperation.

Maybe somewhere inbetween those two is the right answer, the path lovers should take. Maybe Robby is willing to swallow his pride for her sake, and maybe Julia should have stayed. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all have to fight for the things we want, we each have to be willing to make sacrifices because love is always a two-way street—a joint effort.

The Perfect Man

“You are hoping to catch the perfect man. I have yet to see one who is perfect. Aim high, but do not aim so high that you totally miss the target. What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents. He is not going to be perfect, but if he is kind and thoughtful, if he knows how to work and earn a living, if he is honest and full of faith, the chances are that you will not go wrong, that you will be immensely happy. (Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley, October Conference, 2003, To the Women of the Church)

A Brief Thought

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too—even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling" (Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie, 61).

Freedom

Alright, let's talk about commandments. This subject has been on my mind for quite a while and I believe it's appropriate to expound on my beliefs regarding this matter. I would additionally care to briefly address the popularized notion that to obey any laws; whether they be of heaven and of God or of government and of man), is to give up one's freedoms. I believe, of course, that the popularity of this mentality automatically discredits it. In all their wisdom, my parents always taught me to question the established beliefs of the majority, so here I am, questioning them.

From a purely religious perspective, particularly from a Mormon perspective -- we believe in something called free agency, the God-given gift of choice. We reject ideas of predestination and of destiny and fate. We do, in fact, believe that we are promised certain blessings and rewards in accordance to our abidance to the laws of God. Therefore, this understanding leads into another point, which is that God would never coerce us into any behavior pattern or decision -- He leaves the decision making process up to the individual.

I think Elder Boyd K. Packer, current president of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Latter-Day Saint church ("the Mormons"), said it best when he said, "obedience to God can be the very highest expression of independence. Just think of giving him the one thing, the one gift, that he would never take. Think of giving him that one thing that he would never wrest from you..." In other words, the only thing that we can really ever directly give to God, that's truly ours to give, is our agency, our will.

Belonging to the Mormon minority growing up, I honestly never heard enough of how the standards of clothing, media, relationships, etc. I chose to live by were restricting my individuality and my opportunities of experiencing "the good things in life." In other words, God's commandments restrict me from attaining full happiness and joy in life. Do you see the problem with that logic? Especially if you're the kind of person who believes in the omnipotence and perfection of God.

Elder Packer continues, "Obedience--that which God will never take by force--he will accept when freely given. And he will then return to you freedom that you can hardly dream of--the freedom to feel and to know, the freedom to do, and the freedom to be, at least a thousandfold more than we offer him..."

Summary -- Weirdly enough, by giving your will to God, he then shows you the way to achieve perfect freedom. You're freed from the need His constant supervision because he can trust your judgment. Brigham Young, an early prophet of the Mormon faith added that through obedience to divine laws you are freed from becoming a slave of your own passions. Obedience, and the kind of fulfilling freedom we gain from it, is what differentiates humans from animals. We need not be driven by our irrational and limited desires.

So, do I feel left out when I get to not get my heart broken because I give it away too quickly? Or do I feel more free by putting myself in the line of fire of addicting behaviors such as drugs? Maybe you think I feel limited by dressing myself in a modest manner and avoiding the kind of attention that wearing provocative clothes might bring me?

I'd have to say that claiming that obedience negates me freedom is a rather uncreative and close-minded way to approach the subject.

For Rebecca.

It wasn't until I came out to Mormon college that I realized the importance of holding certain standards. When I went home for Christmas last December, I sat down and discussed the new perspective I'd gained in regards to respect and boundaries within a relationship with my good friend, Rebecca. It's really for her sake that I'm making this post because she asked me to provide a source of reference to the experience I had. It went something like this...

A friend and I were discussing the importance of being chaste and respectful in all of our relationships. I was particularly intrigued because the friend I speak of is a young man, recently returned from serving a mission for the Mormon church, and I'd never really heard the opinion of a man who actively worked to keep himself sexually pure throughout his dating life. I'll be frank, I was semi-skeptical, maybe even faithless in a sense that any male could possibly hold an opinion similar to his without being coerced. I never saw such a view as voluntary on the male counterpart because I grew up in Boston -- where the idea of a man stopping before it got too far is unlikely, at best.

Anyway, my friend relayed the following idea, I'll attempt to reconstruct his exact words to the best of my abilities, for Rebecca's sake.

"It's really not that hard once you reason through it. At the end of the day you have to treat the woman you're currently seeing with the same respect and affection you'd want somebody to show your mother, or your sister, or your future wife. I like to think that, because I'm taking care of the girls I date, because I show them a good time in spite of whether or not I think the relationship itself will go anywhere, somebody out there must be doing the same for the girl I'll eventually fall in love with and spend the rest of my life with."

Alright, let's reason through it. Bex, this is brand new information I'm throwing in just for you. John Bytheway, a motivational speaker for Latter-Day Saint youth, told a similar story about a boy who walked into his seminary class bragging about how he'd broken the record in his stake as far as how many girls he'd kissed in one day (7). Perplexed, his seminary teacher, waited until the next day to pull the boy aside and teach him an important lesson, which I think applies to the point my friend made in his quote. The teacher told the boy that he had found the person who'd break even his numerous record. Curious, the boy asked his teacher who, to which his teacher cleverly responded, "your future wife."

Moral of the story? You have to be the kind of person you'll someday end up with. You have to actively and continuously work towards acquiring the characteristics and qualities you seek in a partner. You can't do a mediocre job yourself and expect a good reward, it's against the laws of nature.

Bex, never settle. Never sell yourself short, never compromise what you know to be true or to be of value. It'll never be worth it. Through heartbreaks and troubles, you'll reach the right destination. Have faith and never be discouraged; someone who's looking for someone that's your kind of special, your kind of wonderful, and your kind of perfect is our there working hard to find you.

Here's a song to support what I've said, I think you'll appreciate it:
Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

Love you.